You're still young, do you think you'll ever remarry?
Roughly one in three Canadian marriages is expected to fail, reports Statistics Canada, resulting in one of the higher divorce rates in the western world.
Many of these divorced men and women (as well as those who’re widowed) will remarry though, complicating their financial affairs and transforming the “traditional” family unit into a fluid network of step-relatives, all with their own sets of financial expectations.
As couples get older and their lives more complicated, more seem to be choosing to postpone or forgo such formal arrangements for fear of these financial consequences.
Are you one of them? Do you know someone who is?
By the time people enter a second marriage they often have substantial assets — sometimes one more than the other. And planning for all the various contingencies can get messy.
Blended families often have to care for several children and more than one household, for instance. And past spouses and partners never really go away, it seems.
But, while deciding who pays which bills and whose health insurance policies to keep can be tricky, there’s a bigger worry for couples bringing together assets and children from a previous marriage – the uneasy sense that someone may get screwed in the process.
Your ex, for instance, may try to pay less in child support if your household has grown withthe addition of a new spouse.
As well, since university financial assistance programs like OSAP are calculated based on your income and assets, remarrying could impact your son or daughter’s application for future aid.
With one relationship behind you, do you share these financial concerns? Can you afford to remarry? What are your alternatives?
By Gordon Powers, MSN Money
* Follow Gordon on Twitter here.
Posted by: nightstar | Jul 4, 2021 12:12:36 PM
I think that if all those low end women would stop going after men that are already married, this would slow down the divorce rate. So my advice would be respect yourself and find someone single to go out with.
Posted by: sufi | Jul 5, 2021 1:14:46 AM
I think it would help if those low end first wives would get off their ***ss and quit treating husband # 1 like a personal welfare system ( with the full help of the BC Family Law )
Posted by: megg | Jul 5, 2021 4:27:06 AM
2nd time around? Men & women must ask gillions of questions re- the 'kids' before a permanent relationship is formed.
How could you dare plan a marriage before all his/her children are considered, and especially so if the children are still under-age?
You're heading for a heart-break, and a big financial expense/loss!!!
If the situation sounds too complicated, there is another alternative- stay out of the relationship!
Posted by: Dani | Jul 5, 2021 5:01:50 AM
Keep in mind, all those first wives who stayed home sacrificing careers to raise children. They absolutely DESERVE financial commitment and compensation for much of their lives. My mother is one such woman who gave up her life to raise me and my siblings, and is heartbroken and starting over, not an easy thing to do at 46 in today's world. My father owes her a lot, for she raised his five successful children while earning 0 work experience.
Posted by: SLS | Jul 5, 2021 9:50:54 AM
Interesting...Mainly because I am involved in a 2nd relationship - that is likely to become a marriage. I have the majority of the assets. Not because my ex paid me anything - not even any child support, but because I got off my ass and worked for it. BTW..When I left my former relationship, my girls and I were essentially homeless and broke. My new partner basically has nothing because by the time he and his ex were done fighting, there was simply nothing left. I raised my 2 girls, and am now done raising my children - and at 45 am a happy busy woman who deserves a partner that WILL treat me accordingly. He has 2 children that are just that...his children. They are all similar in age. We HAVE done the financial discussions (I've become an accountant since my divorce). And we have helped each one of those same 4 children at different times as they have needed it. Even though they are all at the age of majority. We will continue to treat each child as an equally important part of our relationship - because whether or not people realize it, they ARE a factor in the relationship. Even though they are adults, and because we as parents will always be parents, we have worked through so that he and I try to both be on the same page from a parenting perspective as well. Face it, not everyone is compatible, and just because people grow apart, or develop issues (in my case my ex developed a gambling addiction) - it does not make them a bad person...it always takes 2 to make or break a relationship. Regardless of our history, and the lack of interaction with my kids, he IS and will always be my children's other biological parent. IF you approach the 2nd marriage with the wisdom and life education of the failure of the first, from a healthy personal standpoint, and make the committment to make it last...you are likely to be more successful the 2nd time around. IF you approach the relationship as something to solve your own inner issues, or financial issues, or anything of the sort...very correctly, you won't have a successful 2nd go round. Far as we are concerned...by the time we die, we will have developed long term intimate relationships with each other's children, and ALL of our children will be treated equally. Period. No matter who had what to start with...at the end of the day, it's all stuff, and all of our children are likely to grieve the loss of the parent not the 'stuff'....and face it....with any luck, in my household, there will be 2 contributing people for the next 40 years...and by that time, the paltry 100K lead I have now...won't be worth much by inflationary standards...
Posted by: KJ | Jul 5, 2021 10:36:28 AM
As for comments that low end women should stay away from married men, my response might be that married men should accept and honour their committment to the party they married and the children produced out of that union.
As for remarriage, the courts have certainly made some rulings of late (here in AB) that would suggest that it would be much safer and definitely cheaper (avoiding unbelievable legal fees) to not remarry. Prenups are becoming questionable given they are not rewritten and judges are ruling that the party's might have changed their minds. Furthermore I do know of a case where spousal support was ordered however the receiving spouse had not declared $100,000 of taxable income on their tax return. Rather than address the tax evasion, the courts ordered spousal support anyway at a rate of 65% of the payors gross income. The point is, the courts do not have an understanding of financial matters and do not understand that when parties split, the standard of living will drop for both simply because there will then be two rent or mortgage payments etc as opposed to the expenses of a shared household. Common sense should prevail but if this were to happen, matrimonial lawyers would not be able to access 10 - 20% or more of the couples assets in legal fees.
Posted by: Biff | Jul 5, 2021 11:48:12 AM
It's best to simply not get married in the first place and place your hard-earned assets at the mercy of the Divorce Act, provincial Family Law Act, female-biased courts, and lawyers who are more than happy to deplete your life savings. Why men stick their necks out by signing marriage contracts in this day and age is beyond me.
Posted by: Reg | Jul 5, 2021 12:04:38 PM
IT's getting to the point that the entire system is stupid, flawed and totally biased towards women!
Marriage - living together = all the same now and for contracts... contracts are written when one or both parties do not trust each other - so why be in that relationship in the first place?!!!
Best to just stay single - then your home is yours, no more crap.. no more messy house, no more having to cook, clean for them - can make what you want! and there are tons of dating sites now for a different date each weekend to get your regular fill of poontang.
How ironic is today's connected world, that people are more then ever - distant with each other!
Posted by: Kat | Jul 6, 2021 9:21:05 AM
I like how a number of comments are about low end women....but what about the low end men that feel it is right to have a wife at home (that they control and abuse psychologically) and two or three girlfriends on the side??? Yes, there is guilt on both sexes in different relationships, but the bottom line is that if it is not working in the current relationship, then it is time to find a better one! It is not about who has more money, or more assets, or how many children are involved. The truth is that the relationship has to be a true, trusting, devoted one in order for it to be successful and lasting.
Posted by: Henry Blow | Jul 6, 2021 11:09:47 AM
If you are a man living in the western world go to this link before thinking about remarrying:
Posted by: Dan | Jul 6, 2021 11:13:53 AM
Been there and done that. Now divorced at 41, spent many years trying to make a marriage work. There is a huge problem with many but by no mean not all women my age. Basically they want the benifits that come from working but do not want to work and want all the postive things that come from being a parent but do not want to look after the kids. I thought that women my age would get better as they advanced in age, but now I see that they do not. In fact they get worse. So no more dating/relationships for this guy, what is the point. I wonder if women from Russia are any better?
Posted by: Jack | Jul 6, 2021 6:44:38 PM
I do not believe in divorce. If I lost my wife through death, I would not consider remarrying.
Posted by: Cowboy | Jul 11, 2021 10:06:36 AM
I've been though a nasty divorce and many of my friends and colleagues have too. Here in Alberta the family court system is definitely and clearly biased towards women. Assets are not split 50/50 is more like 50% for her 10% for her lawyer and 10% for your lawyer (that all comes out of your share) and then you have to pay her to go away. Oh and then you keep paying monthly because she has found a way to stay out of the job market and the government doesn't want to pay her way so they have you do it. Kind of like "former spousal" welfare.
Most of my friends are successful white collar professionals and they got hosed so bad none of them would get married again.
The biggest legal bill amongst my group of friends to get divorced after being married for just one year was $260,000 ( yes that is correct two hundred and sixty thousand dollars) Average bill $100,000.
Marriage is grande but divorce is a hundred grande +
Marriage is extremly high risk.
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Posted by: CRD | Aug 8, 2021 1:19:52 PM
My first marriage taught me that I won't marry again, unless I can find a woman who earns as much money as I do...or unless they change the divorce laws in Canada. I have my kids 1/2 the year. My ex earns $60k per year and I still pay about $15k\year in child and spousal support. The way the laws are set up in this country it doesn't make sense to marry someone who makes less money than you do.
Besides, it is just so much easier to date for a few years instead of having a full relationship. I know it's tough for women because they tend to want to settle down...but the reality is, it's way too scary for guys like me to risk marriage.
You know the saying...I don't know who invented marriage...but I know it wasn't a man!!
Posted by: CRD | Aug 8, 2021 1:29:27 PM
But just do you know. I'm not against marriage. Since my divorce 4 years ago I've met 2 women that wanted us to "take the next step" and were definitely nice enough to marry.
I'd love to get married again to the right woman but it is just a little too risky unless she earns as much as I do. Maybe one day they will change the laws and it will take the risk out of getting married.