Should you bail out those spendthrift parents of yours?
Although you hear lots of stories about parents supporting their grown offspring, sometimes positions are reversed and it's the kids that have to carry the load.
We're not talking here about parents who fallen on hard times because of disability or ill health.
No, this is more about dealing with those who've simply lived too high on the hog, leaving their grown children to pick up the tab for their irresponsibility -- whether through addiction or poor money skills.
What do you do when your parents ask for money? Just say no, advises Dave Ramsay, a syndicated radio show host who's known for his black and white views.
Instead, try something like, “I just can’t do that right now. I’ve got some other goals and some other things I’m trying to hit," Ramsay suggests. "If you want some help with me coaching you on how I’m handling money, great, I’m really excited about getting out of debt and building up an emergency fund. I’d love to see you guys be able to do that."
Try not to be patronizing. Don’t talk about how dumb they are but about how dumb you used to be and how you’re not anymore, he adds.
Whatever you do, don’t let them game you, Ramsay says. It’s not good for them, and it’s not good for you. If you could completely support them — and you can’t — it wouldn’t be good for them anyway. They need to learn to take care of themselves.
Talk about tough love.
Have you ever turned down your parents this way? Would you?
By Gordon Powers, MSN Money
Posted by: Joan | Oct 16, 2021 6:07:02 AM
Yes, I've turned down my Mother on many occasions, that doesn't seem to stop her from asking for exuberant amounts nonetheless. I just say, "Sorry I don't have it - I'd give it to you if I did." Of course there is a lot of grumbling and sarcasism, name calling etc...but I stand firm. I feel she has lived her life the way she wants to, she should also take the responsibility of making ends meet.
Posted by: Donna | Oct 16, 2021 11:08:16 AM
My parents have never asked me for money and I would never ask my kids for money. We all need to learn to live within our means and if we can't afford it, we don't buy it.....simple as that!
Posted by: Yerallnuts | Oct 16, 2021 11:38:31 AM
As it happens, I have no debt to dump on my kids, but perhaps one might equate the 'parents' in this article with the politicos who run governments and deploy programs that cost well beyond their means to repay, leaving huge debts for the following generations to deal with?
Bankrupt states and corrupt provincial bureaucracies in North America are excellent examples. We don't need to look to places like Greece. We have it right here at home.
Great role models we have in government . . . . not!
Posted by: So sad | Oct 16, 2021 11:52:48 AM
A sad sad story. Happy to help my parents out as needed. I suppose it might be different if they were somehow a mess but even then I'd want to step up. Maybe I'm just lucky.
Posted by: Keith | Oct 16, 2021 12:07:04 PM
The problem isn't the public. The problem is big banks and government. Might as well narrow it down to just the banks considering they own and operate our governments. Here's the bottom line, our government here in Canada was taken to court by the banks in 1973. Our government lost the case and now our country doesn't burrow from it's self anymore. Since the take over the fractional reserve banking system was done away with and now there is no real monetary policy in place to really monetize the whole system. Just look at the country's defecite and you'll see a pattern after that year. We use to follow The Canadian Constitution according to acts 91 and 92 but those apparently are non-existant acts. Same with the Bank Of Canada Act of 1934. Apparently usury is non-existant as well, one of the most ancient laws of most monetary systems that was around since the Roman times. The banks took over our govenrment burrowed into a debt hole, using our government and country as merly a financial entity and asset. Ever since this foolishness came into play interest rates have been going up as well as inflation. Currently today, people don't get their money's worth because of this. Wages rise 5% meanwhile inflation on everything else rises 30%. Articles like this are just a distraction of the truth at hand.... think about it.
Posted by: Debbie | Oct 17, 2021 3:33:20 AM
Both my parents are deceased, but when my mom was alive, I tried to help out as best I could. This article is very sad, because if your parents have hit hard times, and you have the means to help, you should. I am not saying if they have have a gambling problem, help them out. I mean if they are in hard times and need some help, they are your parents. Helping with groceries, gas etc could be another way instead of just giving cash.
It's this mentality of me first that has made so many 1,000's of people protest Wall Street. Get rid of the damn ME FIRST bullshit and say "How can I help?" and you would be amazed at what would happen to society.
Clearly a depressing article.
Posted by: about wall street... | Oct 17, 2021 9:22:02 AM
Someone brought up wall street.
First of all, there are greedy rich and greedy poor. Greed, itself has no boundaries.
However, instead of doing something like "occupy wallstreet," QUIT buying what you don't need. The only way to hit any company is to quit buying from them.
However, that being said, has anyone ever thought that possibly these big companies could HIRE you and the company could work together as a TEAM??
Posted by: Debbie | Oct 17, 2021 11:26:05 AM
About wall street:
What the heck are you talking about? I only brought up folks protesting wall street because it equals they are protesting greed. Those same folks that protest greed may be ones that refuse to help out parents in any case. So protesting greed, yet practicing greed = hypocrite. And again, look at my post. I am referring to parents that are truly in a crisis, not someone with a drug or gambling debt. And I am not talking about people that are hard up as well, making helping anyone out impossible. I am speaking to those that don't want to help parents because it cuts into their "vacation home" fund.
Why does everyone have to turn this into a lesson? My husband and I have 2 very small children, a large house that is more than half paid off, and will be mortgage and debt free in 13 years. We are in our early 30's.
Posted by: Kevin Clements | Oct 17, 2021 1:21:00 PM
Simply answers:
1. Right Education, informatoin & access to it.
2. Not everyone wants to be helped.
Posted by: Justin | Oct 17, 2021 1:22:01 PM
@Debbie - I understand what you're saying, however the beginning of the article clearly states, "We're not talking here about parents who fallen on hard times because of disability or ill health.
No, this is more about dealing with those who've simply lived too high on the hog, leaving their grown children to pick up the tab for their irresponsibility -- whether through addiction or poor money skills."
I agree that if your parents have fallen ill, lose their job, or require some financial help it's only right to help them as they have helped us when we were young (and some into our adulthood as well). But if they need money to feed an addiction or spending problem, then the article is right that it's better to not add fuel to the fire.
Posted by: H.M. | Oct 17, 2021 1:36:03 PM
My father has always loved to spend money, also been very generous. In recent years he developed a form of Alzheimer's which led him to lose mental understanding about his money, he would withdraw huge amounts of money (often thousands) at once, buy the same items repeatedly (forgetting he had already bought it), give money away and then forget whom he gave it to, till he could not even pay his rent, even though could have otherwise easily afforded it. He did not ask for money because he imagined himself to have tons of money, but my brother and I knew that we will either have to start paying his bills ourselves, (which we cannot afford on an on-going basis) or take total legal control of his finances. One of the *hardest* things I have ever done in my life, was to get legal help from a kind and understanding senior's lawyer (who has compassion for elderly people but also understands the terrible effects of Alzheimer's disease), to take complete control of my father's finances, so that the bank would have to block him from accessing his money - for his own protection. Understandably my father has become very upset about this and unfortunately has often been upset with me since. I try to assure him this is for his own good and that I love him no matter what he believes about me. I give him some spending money every week as well as opportunities to engage in some fun activities (violin lessons, yoga, etc) to try to keep him happy. He likes that but still wants more spending money. It is not easy to have to give your own parent tough love! But the only other option would be to let him handle his own finances which would cause him to become bankrupt in very little time!
Posted by: about wall street... | Oct 17, 2021 2:49:20 PM
Debbie: What is wrong with turning things into a lesson?? Isn't that a good thing??
Posted by: Debbie | Oct 18, 2021 12:48:16 AM
About wall street:
When people start taking over every damn thread for "education" on topics that really have very little to do with the topic at hand, it gets annoying.
Just my humble opinion :)
And @ Justin - I stand corrected! I was all depressed that this article was telling people to leave their poor parents out in the cold, but I have to agree that if it is addiction related, giving them money would only make it worse. But on that note, you can help in other ways to make sure they can still survive.
Posted by: Dave | Oct 18, 2021 4:57:11 PM
My parents are their 80s and certainly don't need a bailout from me. They have more money than I will ever have at retirement. I am 55 and have been out of work two years with few prospects. Don't tell me I should have stayed in school, I got my bloody university engineering degree and what has that led to? Being broke with nothing to look forward to. Do not believe the propaganda about university educations, even for engineering. You might still choose a pig-in-a-poke and end up like me.