Adult kids hurting parents' retirement plans

What happened to the good old fashioned way of doing things? How about actually living a simpler lifestyle and saving for a house, car etc. rather than appealing to mom and dad for handouts. My hubby and I have 3 adult children and have only helped with post secondary tuition and a little bit of car insurance to get them started after grad and that's it. We do not subisidize rent or anything else. We will retire in 7 years and feel that we have earned it after more than 30 years in the workforce. Hubby and I never got handouts from our parents. We didn't ask or expect it. It is the fault of our generation that we have made it too easy for our children and they don't know how to work for something.

Well... as a member of the "Boomer" generation, I enjoy helping my kids out... with their tuition/residency costs + extras, and providing a downpayment for their first condo. My parents never helped (me) out... except for my B.Sc. degree program (tuition)... and they kept $70K that my grandmother had given them to give to me... but they were miserable S.O.B.s.

Times change... generations change... what can I say... I love both my kids! :-)

Maybe they kept the $70K for putting a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your stomache for while you were growing up. Children can be sooo ungrateful and they forget so easily.

I have helped out both my adult kids (one is 39 and the other is 37) numerious times and have been scammed into helping out one kids girlfriend. I am sick and tired of helping!!!! They have taken over 83,000.00 over the last 5 years. I love my kids and their families dearly, but enough is enough.

I have helped my children out several times as I sure many others have as well , unfortunately I feel it has poor results in so much as to say it hampers their ability to actually become self responsible , after awhile the only time they care to make contact is when they need more help , so I guess I take responsibilty for that . Those days are gone now , the kids now will have to face the future at their own hand , and will just have to learn to live within their own means and by their own descions on spending money . If you want it , work for it ! Credit has become to easy and it will be once again the parents responsibilty to cover the shortfall , however maybe the younger generation will learn some valuble lessons we as parents failed to convey to them by always being there to helpout, without thinking about the conserquences of what our good intentions were all about .
Just my thoughts ,, Merry Christmas !!

I agree with the comments that adult kids should learn to live within their means and not rely on handouts.

But to those who say they were "scammed" and their children "took their money", they couldn't take it if you simply said No. They didn't take it, you gave it to them. So just stop!

I don't know who the hell most of you people are. My parents helped me out as much as they could. It wasnt alot but I appreciated whatever it was. I paid for my education, my first apartment and my house now. As with most respectful asian families, I will also ensure that my daughter gets what she needs, a good education and likely her wedding and possibly a first condo, and a car when she comes of age. I will also continue to be responsible for my aging parents as I am now. What the heck is family for if you dont take care of each other? I never married rich, I earned every penny of what I make and struggled to get to a nice middle class income.

It depends on whether or not the adult child has chronic problems or not. We had to stop giving my husband's son money because it was never enough.... he has problems he needs to sort out himself. I hope everything will be ok, but the money issue is only a symptom of a more complex problem. We worry about him, but what can you do? Supporting him financially was not doing him any good in the long run. If he is hungry he comes to eat at our place and he goes home with bags of groceries. That's the limit of our support until he manages to complete his education and look after himself. After that, in light of his future successes, we will help him out again financially if he will be sure to look after his own life needs.

Maria, I would appreciate it if you would not judge other people so harshly. Not everybody is like you, you know. Life is complex, people are complex. Truly, you don't know who I am, and I don't know you either.

I'm 27 and just finishing school to enter the work force, and I am eternally grateful for my parental units helping me pay for tuition. If it weren't for them, I'd be in debt for the rest of my life. These days, it seems so much harder to earn and save the money required to live comfortably b/c most of it goes towards mortgages, necessary expenses of living, not to mention, saving for retirement (which few people in my generation think about). Until I am financially independent, I am unable to pay for those things yet. I don't live beyond my means either. In fact, I would consider myself quite "poor". I rarely ask my parents for handouts b/c I know I would feel obligated to pay them back, and I don't want to burden them anymore than I have to. Working towards financial independence is a difficult and slow process that the baby boomer generation needs to understand that it takes time and patience. Heck, Rome wasn't built in a day.

To all those boomers out there saying wut happened to the good old days and gettting a job and taking care of yourself. Ill tell you were all that went to china or other countries. I bet you all remember back in the day you could walk down the street and get a job. These days our country and province have sold out to big buissiness, most of the work is resource extraction with no manufacturing, thats all done in china. I put myself through school got a trade, landed a job at a mill to start my apprenticeship then wut happens the mill shuts down, and now i have no job and have to leave my hometown and start fresh. so you all wonder wuts up with all these adult kids well with no jobs unemployment reaching 10 percent, old supposed to be retired boomers taking up room in the workforce its no wonder your still left paying for your kids.

a lot of poopy bumb kids and parents on here, first off people need to be responsible. I myself at 31 had 3 houses, changed careers at 26 after i left the computer industry..and did this all by myself without the support of my parents..my parents would like to help, but they couldnt even if they wanted to.

Parents think that they are doing their kids a favour by holding their hands, good luck with that..you'll be supporting your adult kids forever, on your pension as well.

The "Boomers" aren't taking up jobs. It's just a fact that the "boomers" lived at a very high standard of living. We, the younger generation, just can't afford to live at that very high standard. Once everyone gets into their heads that they have to work HARD...for a SMALLER amount than their parents, they will be fine.

My parents have helped me and now I help them. I pay thier home and auto insurance every month and have for the last few years. I am not living outside my means. I am not rich, even after all the education I have had. Now I am back in school on while still holding down a full time job. In my office alone 50% of the work has been "out sourced" to India. The job I have in Canada I don't qualify for unless I have a degree. But in India, you just need to be able to read and write in english. So while I am spending 5000.00 dollars to upgrade my education to keep my job at the same rate of pay, someone in India got the same job with no education. Maybe instead of asking why the adult children are still feeding off thier Momma's tit. You should take a look around and ask where have all the good jobs gone. Because if you are not in politics, the only one hiring is Walmart.

So yah, I'm 24 and first off I'd like to say that I am lucky my parents were able to meet the basics to raise me through adulthood. Growing up as a kid I'd get petty cash like $10 here and there then I got a job and it was all on me of course. The thing that bothers me though is that when I actually DID want some help financially (just needed a co-signing on a truck I could afford easily with monthly payments) they let me down only because it wasn't within their means. Equitty don't mean a damn to the banks if you want a loan it seems. Anyhow, I'm not expecting much for inheritance and I think its crap that there are young people my age that just want that. Do it yourself losers!! It's your life so live it and take care of yourself. Your an adult now and you don't need to sucker to mommy and daddy anymore unless it is really true that your just a kid that hasn't grown up yet because all in all you just look like user's and abuser's to me and its a sin.

gees... at least there's some sort of pension boomers get now.. however little... i know you have worked hard. and you deserve it. no doubt. but the number of times i have heard old people complain about younger generations makes me furious!!!!! alll of my friends have struggled very very hard to get to where the are today. no handouts, nothing even before leaving high school. hell if some of us even got the emotional support!

i knw i don't speak for most people my age but many of my friends are int eh same boat as myself.

i'm 30 and single. i am grateful that i have a job even if there are no benefits. no pension plan. no health insurance. nothing. i put myself through school, have two diplomas and a degree in technology and commerce but somehow that still doesn't seem enough to get a decent job. not to forget i'm hugely in debt for getting those degrees. where the hell are the jobs? janice (above) is right. someone half way around the world has it.

i constantly worry how i am going to provide for myself when im 50? if its bad now, what the hell is it gonna be like 20 years from now.

i did a co-op term with the bc govt and was told several times within the next 5-10 years at least 70-80% of govt spending is going to be only on health care. Taking care of guess who? but yes yes you deserve it. heaven forbid if we ask for a little. anndd that's only to maintain its CURRENT standard forget improving it. education is going to be too pathetic to mention. no wonder no one wants to have kids now.

so really, whats going to be left to support me when im older? i can only prepare for some sort of impending doom. i have a sibling 12 yrs younger and i worry about what life will be like for her. hell will she even have clean air to breathe?

i love my parents. i know they helped as much as they could but they also seem to be very ignorant about how difficult it actually was maintaining a full time school schedule and working 30 hours (3 part time jobs) a week to pay for school. if they helped me a bit through it maybe just maybe i would have fewer sleepless nights of how to get rid of my debt and worrying about the future.

so while you shouldnt shower you're kids with enormous handouts, financial support (for the important things) will never be under appreciated by your kids. they will realize that you do care about them, are there to support them and more over show them the value of things that matter.

The tables were turned in my case. When I was a teenager, my parents divorced. I moved in with my dad while my siblings lived with my mom. To get back at me, my mother took the money they had saved for my education (and told me about for years so I would make plans to go to university) and spent it on herself and my siblings that Christmas. She didn't need to, by the way, so save that argument. It was purely to get even. She made sure that I saw what they got (expensive electronic equiptment and clothing) while I got nothing. My dad was barely making it with child and spousal support while she stayed in the house for $100 per month and he paid rent at an apartment ($700).

I have the last laugh now. I am very well off and helped my younger siblings through university and paid for trips and helped them financially. My mother, on the other hand, gets nothing. I do buy her the usual stuff for Christmas and birthdays but when she hints about getting a trip somewhere, I just ignore her. Mom paid off my younger siblings credit card bill and now in her thirties, she still has her hand out, even though she earns a good income. I've never asked for anything and never will plus I'll never forget what she did to me that stole my chance to get an education. I did well despite her and she will never benefit. I don't talk about it to her or anyone but when I saw these postings, I couldn't help myself but share. Maybe SOMEONE will benefit from hearing about what happened to me.

For all you parents who give your kid's money (or let them TAKE it from you), maybe because you are afraid they will withhold their love and never come and see you, remember this: If you treated your children with love and respect while growing up and never stole from them, they will love you in your old age. You never have to buy their affection! Kids become adults and that is when how you treated them will come back to either haunt you or benefit you.

I certainly agree with the whole concept of your children getting out of the house before too long. Although I would never shove mine out the door without knowing that they could get a good start on their own - being rent/food....and a decent job, I do feel it is nessessary to live on your " own " for a least a year or few before doing anything else like getting married or even living with your partner. I lived on my own very early ( by default ) - but I loved it and learned alot about myself I am sure and became even more responsible then I probably already was. I look back at it fondly and in a strange way can admit missing it at times. I have always encouraged my children that living on there own is a nessessity I believe of " growing up "!! My husband and his family has never lived on their own " BIG MISTAKE " - an now so many people are paying for it. Even out of the house they all still rely on their parents big time for something, rather then rely and trust themselves and their own families to give it to them. So I really agree with the last paragraph written by Sammy Joe, above. But I also thin that the parents are simply afraid to let their kids/grand-kids go and some really need to learn that it is okay - and best for everyone if they accept it and allow these people to fly !!!!

well here we go. I am semi retired working for pitence at a hardware store to make ends meet. I live with a 45 yrs .old mother and her 20 yr old son. The son works part time , about 20 to 30 hours a week. (very very tiring) works in aclothes store about 1/2 mile away from the house. needs a car of course, needs money every second day, doesn t buy food , but empties everything we have , takes what he wants and does what he wants whenever he wants. His mother is afraid to talk to him and everything he does is ok with her. No rules , just do what u want. aNo discipline, there never was, now its gotten to a point where his non helping around the house is really getting to me to the point that this is ruining our relationship, but the mother doesn t see the signs. guess i ll have to leave before someone realizes that enough is enough. Everything is just left where it is untill mommy or dad picks it up. Even too lazy to throw away the foodfrom his plate that he only eats half of, most time. waste is unbelievable. we throw more food out than we actually eat. Its becoming a real burden., and I ve had enough. been 7 years and still nothing has ever evolved in that domaine. too bad, the mother is a good kind woman, but her son comes first all the time, no criticism is permitted when it comes to him. he is perfect and doesn t make mistakes( right). I am leaving very soon to live on my own seeing as there is no respect and tolerance level is exceeded. its unfortunate that at my retirement age i have to stand for this mooching lazy excuse ridden perrson who breaks everything he touches and has no respect whatsoever for others around him. Its me, myself and I constantly, ...its the pits. their brains don t develope until they are 25 but they still know everything and only their opinion counts. when its time to leave the nest , leave and leave the parents alone.

Why is our government giving all the good paying jobs to all the foreign countries that they also pay subsidies to called helping the poor of these countries when they have a lot of poor people in their own country.They are called the living in poverty here and cannot get out of it. People here do not see the poor of countries like Canada and the US and the so called richer countries.I say look after your own people first then when all of them are working then outsource the jobs. It is all about making money and spending the lowest for pays for all the rich and so called influential people of the world. They have rich people in these poor countries and how many children do they each have too many to support , while we pay more to them when they come here than we pay our own poor. Welfare is good here as the foreigners get twice the amount we pay from our pockets as help than our poor working folk.