Wedding rules: Is it ok to ask for cash?
Since many couples establish a household together before marriage, they often aren't in need of traditional gifts like towels, dishes and sheets.
So it’s not surprising that whether and how to ask for money as a wedding gift, without it seeming too tacky, is becoming a pressing issue for many couples formalizing their living arrangements.
The key to pulling it off without offending anyone is in how the ask is made, says Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, and the author of Do I Have to Wear White? Emily Post Answers America's Top Wedding Questions.
Here's her take on how to set the stage.
Go ahead and tell people what you want the money for. Who knows? If you let people know that you plan to spend the money on a down payment, rather than on a honeymoon in Turks and Caicos, they might feel their money is being better spent.
When asked, simply say, “Of course we would love anything you choose, but we could really use help with a down payment.” This wording acknowledges the guest’s right to choose the gift —while painting a picture of what the money will be used for, she suggests.
If using the words “money” or “cash” goes against the grain, phrases such as “help with” or “a contribution toward” are good euphemisms, she says.
How high should you go? While there’s no magic number, an appropriate amount for a cash gift could range as high as $500 or more, says blogger Melissa Mayntz.
What do you think? Is cash the way to go? Is it tacky? How do you arrive at the correct amount?
By Gordon Powers, MSN Money
Posted by: megg | Oct 8, 2021 1:03:53 AM
The writer mentions they need money for a 'down payment' presumably for a house. But this is her '2nd mariage'...so how old is she ? Still 22 like the 1st time? If she's over 40 she should be in a position to 'pay for everything'. Not even mommy and daddy should have to contribute money!
Why can't she & her fiance afford a down payment? Maybe the wedding should wait until they're both old enough and CAN AFFORD a wedding, honeymoon and a down payment!!
Wait baby and get your priorities set straight.
If you've already been together for???years, why the rush? Stay shacked. You already made your first mistake; what will your excuse be for the 2nd time around??
Gonna make more babies?
Such marriages are domed for failure.
Asking for cash is WRONG, but a bit more tactful on Anna Post's suggestion.
Then what about a guest who would like to come to the wedding, but honestly can't aford a 'cash donation'. Without looking like a 'poor boy' perhaps their onely choice is to stay home...
Posted by: Dan | Oct 8, 2021 2:28:04 AM
There is nothing wrong with asking for cash. My wife had an extremely small home when we got married (800 sqft) and a basement suite downstairs she was renting out. There was hardly any room, and since she was 25 and I was 27, we both had collected more than enough things over the years to fill it up. Receiving gifts would only pack it even more full. Since there are various charities we support, we requested money, but gave the guests the option of what to put it towards: (a) local homeless mission, (b) another mission organization, and (c) our honeymoon fund. There were no complaints, and for those who did not specify where it should go, we simply took around half of the money for donations.
As megg said in her very blunt post, it does depend on the situation. Two 45 year olds at the prime of their working lives don't really need to receive thousands of dollars at their wedding, especially with a remarriage. However, if the couple is young (22), there is no problem with giving lots. When most people get married they don't usually have that much and they rent for a while first. It makes sense to do this anyway... might as well share expenses instead of paying for 2 rentals! I dont know why megg thinks they are doomed. Some of the most successful marriages I know were people getting married in their early 20's.
Hmm... afford a wedding, honeymoon and a down payment? Here in Edmonton, most weddings are $10,000, the honeymoon is another $5000, and the down payment is about $60,000. (20% down). I dont know of many people in their 20's, let alone their 40's, who can come up with that kind of cash. People don't only get married after everything is perfect... they get married in order to build a perfect life together.
Posted by: aaa | Oct 8, 2021 8:05:13 AM
We were dirt poor when we got married. Thankfully, we were married out of the city where the wedding was actually quite cheap, at the time. Anyway, we asked for money. Everyone was quite happy to oblige. It was a good start to things. We ended up being able to buy things that we wanted and were practical. We even could pay off a few debts and get started towards the life we wanted. I'm very thankful that we asked for cash at our wedding.
Posted by: love it | Oct 12, 2021 7:43:16 AM
Oh yes, it’s very right to ask for cash instead of gifts. When we got married in 2001 (almost 10 years ago), we invited only 100 guests all together and it was small wedding. We received only 2 small gifts but they also come with cash, that mean we got 100% cash in our wedding....we used 1/3 of those monies paid for wedding expenses, 1/3 to top up our mortgage, and 1/3 save in our bank account for future. How did we do it? Well, 1. We are Chinese (Chinese Canadian) so most of us believe in cash as gifts. 2. We did not ask for gifts (no registries gift lists enclosed with invitation) and few of our friends asked what we want so they can buy but we said please give us cash so we can put them together and buy something big! 3. We also said that if give us cash that including taxes! In the end, we received about 2x more than our expenses. In my opinion, it is foolish to enclosed gift/registries lists in the invitation and specially some of those gifts are very expensive! I think is wrong to ask guests to buy expensive gifts since most of us receive 2-3 invitation each year.