At what age should kids move out on their own?
I guess it’s tough to paint everyone with such a brush, but I was always under the impression that parents of college or university students wanted two things: 1) them to graduate, and 2) them to move the hell out.
This is not to sound crude. There’s little correlation, at least in how I was raised, in a parent’s love and their desire to see you out supporting yourself – which, in effect, means finding your own digs, mode of transportation and grocery bill.
But, then, that’s another debate now, isn’t it? At what point, after the age of 18, should parents (lovingly) shoo their kids out the door?
I suppose I should clarify where all this is coming from: the inspiration for this post came from an interesting survey I caught in the Financial Post Tuesday morning.
According to a study quoted on the newspaper’s website, only 51 per cent of parents with kids over 18 at home say they plan to encourage them to leave the nest within five years.
There were further results of the Canadian survey – 39 per cent of parents plan to downsize to a smaller home or condo within five years, 80 per cent plan to get rid of junk and make better use of their existing living space within five years, 30 per cent plan to “repurpose” their grown child’s bedroom into an office or storage space within five years – but the number that keeps popping up to me is this 51 per cent figure.
Certainly, times are tough. And for parents with kids who’ve completed university or college, there’s no guarantee those children have employment or, perhaps more accurately, the level of employment needed to support themselves.
But all that considered, does it strike anyone as odd that only half of parents plan to see their children out of the house within five years of turning 18?
Has the battered economy lowered our expectations of what children can accomplish by the age of 23, or is this simply a shift in the cultural norm?
Readers: when do you think, as a general guideline, it’s reasonable for parents to expect their kids to leave the nest and make it out on their own?
By Jason Buckland, MSN Money
Posted by: Jean Cretin | Aug 17, 2021 9:01:01 PM
Why wait till 18? Daughters in other countries get married and move out at 12, sons have been known to be accepted by Western military's at 16 and African military's at 6. The sooner they get kicked out the sooner we can get back to looking out for number one.
Posted by: stephen harper | Aug 18, 2021 2:16:41 AM
i'd rather grind them down and feed the rest of the peasants with their remains.
Posted by: Ross | Aug 18, 2021 9:26:49 AM
I moved out at 37. Saved and saved and saved and bought a detached home. Parents and I got along. Polish people I know live 3 generations together. Do what makes sense for your situation. Hopefully you love your children and will do whatever you can to help them have a decent life.
Posted by: Mel | Aug 18, 2021 9:36:13 AM
I could have moved out when I was 21. i didn't though. Why? Because of loneliness. Who wnats to live on alone? I get along great with my parent and I paid my share fair of living expences.
Posted by: san | Aug 18, 2021 10:02:26 AM
It is fine to get the kids out of the house at a early age..times have changed...look at the cost to live now...as long as they have jobs and good paying jobs after college or university they can support themselves, but what happens to the ones who cannot find a good paying job and cannot support themselves. Now they have the student loans to pay off, so who pays for them. The banks now will not lend unless the parents are on the loan, so who ends up paying?
Canada does all their surveys on jobs indicating with our new HST many new jobs will be created.
Then they come out with another one saying the job market is down many students could not find work this year so which is it?
The cost of living has increased,but those with jobs how many salaries actually increase? I have not had a increase nor my husband but we pay more to live. The government wants to add this new tax how does it help us, so for the kids moving out on their own can they pay their bills?
This is why we have had the meltdown in the economy many young youngs do not or cannot pay their bills..
If anyone knows about business this is why the banks are now changing the credit card policies
and the rules on mortgages. Many cannot afford to pay off their debt.
I agree if they can go out and live on their own that is great, but cannot afford to then stay at home a little longer and put some money away and save.
We are the ones that have changed all the banking rules, credit has been extended too long over the years banks have done too many write-offs now we are going back to the old rules..
If you cannot afford to have things wait till you can and if you cannot pay off your credit cards then cut them up and do without The young kids need to be starting to save at an early age, then they can start looking after themselves..
Posted by: C.CHOW | Aug 18, 2021 10:40:32 AM
My son who is 42 lives with us and we are all happy with this arrangement. He lends us a hand
in maintaining the house. buys groceries and help us in so many ways so we can stay in our
home.. He is hard working, never been unemployed and has not presented us with any problems.
I am from the far east and it is not uncommon for extended families to be in one house...I will be
very sad and frankly i do not know what to do if he leaves.......cora
Posted by: Lisa | Aug 18, 2021 10:57:06 AM
I agree fully with "san." My children are not of age yet. However, considering where the economy is going, I will fully support them staying at home as long as they need to. After all, it was I who decided to have children. They are noone else's responsibility. Besides the fact that, I will be happy if they get part-time jobs, to start with and noone can live on their own with just a part-time job.
Posted by: Moe | Aug 18, 2021 11:16:38 AM
I'm not big on kids staying home forever. They never become truly independent if a parent is willing to support their living arrangements. I realize there can be extenuating circumstances where a child may have to take care of ailing parents, but is this fair to them? My daughter has two friends in their late twenties who are taking care of 60 year old parents with health problems and this has certainly prevented them from 'moving on' with their lives. I also know a lot of parents who have children in their late twenties living in their basement rec rooms with their girlfriend/boyfriend. Why? Then there are the ones who let their offspring live at home free of charge. Why would anyone want to move out? Having student loans to pay off is no excuse. If a parent wants to be helpful, they may wish to let them live at home and pay cheaper room and board so that they can pay off student loans faster but they still need to pay to live like the rest of us. We have a neighbour whose son lives at home, pays no rent and drives a Porsche. Please! He's not learning responsibility! I would suggest that children need to move out by 23 years old unless they are pursuing higher education. Then, maybe, 26 (even that has it's limits!)
Posted by: Phill | Aug 18, 2021 12:33:56 PM
I, for one, will not suffer from emply nest syndrome. My wife and I have been raising children for the past 35 years and they now range from 35 to 20. We only have one left in the nest and are patiently waiting for her to leave.
We love our children but there is a natural progression to maturity that includes both financial and personal independence.
My measure of the "right" time for asking your child to move out is when they become disrespectful of their parents' home. If they are contributing in such a way that they are truly tenants, then the choice is yours. However, free boarders can't last forever.
Posted by: The Joneses | Aug 18, 2021 1:21:56 PM
We are in our 80s and our daughter moved in with us after selling her house it was agreed she would look for another house within 3 month period she is 46yrs of age single has been here for over three years and refuses to move out.
She contributes zero for her accomodation or telephone bills but does buy her own grpceries,she refuses to clean her room but she is clean in her personal self. She Inherited a fortune 20 years ago not worked for 10 years is very difficult to talk too will not listen to reason has no friends and her mother cleans up after her even washes her dirty dishes on many occasions.
Asked her to leave last summer she slept in her car for 4 months out East worried us both sick what is a fair solution to this problem?" I know' but my wife does not agree.
Tension in our home is building we do not needs this hassle in the last few years of our lives.
Posted by: Sylvie | Aug 18, 2021 2:14:41 PM
To the Joneses:
How sad that your relationship with your daughter has deteriorated to this level. I know this sounds harsh, but she sounds like a bully towards you and she is emotionally manipulating you into worrying about her. Either way, if she stays or goes, you're worrying - so - do what's right for you - you've earnt it!!
Also, what will happen to the other spouse when either yourself or your wife passes on? Do you think this situation will get any better? For your own sakes, please get some outside legal help; or do you have other familiy members who could help you? If She's not a paying tenant, and she doesn't have her name on the title deeds to your house, she has no rights to dictate the terms of her occupancy of your property.
I wish you all the best in dealing with this unpleasant situation.
Posted by: Ross | Aug 18, 2021 2:16:49 PM
To the Jonses, Your daughter should honor her agreement and move out. Seeing as how that is not the case she should pay rent and help with managing the household chores. What happened to all of her money? If she would not be destitute out of your house I would evict if non of the above is possible. You guys should be enjoying your retirement.
Posted by: Kathy | Aug 18, 2021 2:24:14 PM
Adult children need to accept the world does not revolve around them. Parents are too soft, and are not doing their children any favours by letting them live at home beyond the end of their formal education or apprentice years plus a reasonable period to find appropriate work and save a security deposit. Reasonable period is months not years! Ever hear of having a room mate to share expenses. How can anyone ever grow and mature to full adulthood if they are not responsible for making their own way in the world.
Posted by: Lori | Aug 18, 2021 2:33:05 PM
To the Joneses
Your comment saddened me. It is obvious that your daughter is taking advantage of you and playing on your heart strings. It is unfortunate that you are having to deal with something like this at this time in your life. I really think you need to put your foot down. To me it sounds like she is just putting in time till your home is "hers". Have you considered downsizing? I realize that she is your daughter and it is easy for us all to pass judgement, and give advice, but you are the ones who have to live with your decision. I think you have been more than gracious and caring; if what you say about her inheriting a fortune is true, then she should have no problem fending for herself. AND, if for whatever reason (though I can't think of one) her fortune has been spent, it might be time for her to get a JOB! Best of luck to you!
Posted by: kiki | Aug 18, 2021 2:57:58 PM
I think it's important that adult children move out and be independent, responsible adults. I understand that more young adults might stay at home a little longer than 20, 30 years ago. Young people need some kind of post secondary education to survive on their own which takes usually two to three or four years of college or university.
I think young people should plan and work for thier future and not rely solely on parents, especially if parents can't afford it - which means that they need to save money, work at least part time, and have a plan to leave home a reasonable amount of time after they have finished college/university - a year maybe. If a young person is responsible and wants to stay bit longer at the parents' home, perhaps to buy a home or start a business, s/he should be contributing fully to the household including bills, chores inside and out, and have a plan.
I don't think it's healthy for an young adult to be living with his/her parents and contributing nothing! I think by the late twenties, a young person should be out on their own, for their own sake, to develop their independent self and relationships.
Posted by: Tina | Aug 18, 2021 3:12:59 PM
I believe that my generation has created a fearful group of young adults who find it difficult to cut the apron strings. Although many have had the luxury of persuing higher education at their parents ability to pay for schooling, the common thread that I am findiging amonst many youth is that they are afraid of long term relationships, long term employment, and long term finacial responiblities. AS LONG AS AN ADULT CHID IS LIVING IN YOUR HOME THEY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A CHILD. Of course there are some exceptions and exceptional siturations but for the most part if you look at children who remain at home, when it becomes clear that they should be moving on you will see that this is true. My generation has made it too comfortable for them to be at home to even fathom moving out on their own any time soon. What is even more distrubing is that because we meet their nees so well, emotionally and finacially they have no need to find a partner in life to whom they can make a commentment with and begin their own lives and their own familiies. In other words Mom and Dad become suragat Husbandsand Wives for theses children. Just listen to the conversations or disputes one has with their adult children at home. They often argue about distribution of labor in the home, money, and having to account for there time and whereabouts. Shoud they not be having these discussions with there own spouses or signifagant others.
The other disturbing trend is that many do not move out because they can no longer live the life to which they have now become accustomed to. It would mean making sacrifice, maybe even having a room-mate to pay the rent. They may not be able to aford their i-pod, blackberry, pc, jym membership, just to name a few.
Yes our generations has created a pickle. It is time to undo the damage we have done and alow our children the opportunity to create their own lives, learn from their own mistakes make their own sacrafices and raise their own families.
Posted by: Samatha | Aug 18, 2021 4:17:03 PM
Kathy and Tina I agree with your comments. Adults livng at home does no one a service. When school is over and you are employed it is time to move on. Tina interesting but true your comment of fearful adult children and how we created this generation afraid to move on and too comfortable with their home life.
Parents also need to move on with their own lifes and it is a natural progression. It becomes unatural when children do not move out and alows everyone to be stuck.
Posted by: M | Aug 18, 2021 4:17:30 PM
I just turned 30 and my 32-year-old brother and his wife and newborn baby and my 25-year-old sister all live with my parents. We also have an elderly aunt with health problem who's recently moved in with us as well. And while I was growing up we've had my grandparents and other aunts, uncles and cousins live at our house at one time or another. In our culture it's normal to have multi-generations and extended family in one house. Believe me when I say that it's sometimes a hassle having no breathing space, but it's nice having my family around. It's funny but I've even offered to move out so they'd have more room and my mom was adamant that I stay - she wants me to save for a wedding or a house of my own instead of paying rent for a small apartment. My parents also don't charge me rent, but I do almost all the groceries (which is pretty big considering our 8-person household), when my dad wanted a new car I gave him the money that I had saved for the downpayment and when they need extra cash for household bills I give it to them. My parents have taught me over the years to help my family and to share what I have. So when my sister was in university I paid all her tuition since I was making the most money by then, the same way my brother paid mine when I went to school. And when we lend to each other there are no strings attached, no formal requirements for payback, we just know that if any of us are in a real bind we'll help each other out. It also just makes more sense for us to live in one house and have a better standard of living since we're splitting the cost of food, utilities, mortgage, internet, cable, etc over all of us rather than having 3 or 4 separate households that have their own set of costs that we would have to cover all by ourselves. My mom retired early when her parents got ill to take care of them, so me and my brother actually contribute the most money to the household right now, so if my siblings moved out my parents would definitely have to downsize since only my dad works. And he's soon to retire also, so their income is going to be seriously reduced. The last thing me and my siblings want is to push them into some old age home surrounded by people they don't know and have them feel neglected, or to let them sell the house they love. Now that my brother has his own family he'll probably move out soon but then I know my sister will take up the slack or my brother will have my parents move in with him. I know not every family is likes ours, and it definitely sucks if you have kids that don't contribute and totally mooch off you, but for us it works since we all contribute and feel responsible for taking care of each other not just our own needs.
Posted by: Samatha | Aug 18, 2021 4:39:16 PM
Dear M,
You sound like a lovely young woman. I hope you are making room for your own life in the mist of helping everyone.
Posted by: daehan | Aug 18, 2021 5:31:44 PM
Canada is so cold country you makes your children go out in the street. I am sure Canada parents aren't love their children. It is to sad. Why have children if they are burden? Please canada don't have children if you are going to push them away. This is why you have no culture.