At what age should kids move out on their own?
I guess it’s tough to paint everyone with such a brush, but I was always under the impression that parents of college or university students wanted two things: 1) them to graduate, and 2) them to move the hell out.
This is not to sound crude. There’s little correlation, at least in how I was raised, in a parent’s love and their desire to see you out supporting yourself – which, in effect, means finding your own digs, mode of transportation and grocery bill.
But, then, that’s another debate now, isn’t it? At what point, after the age of 18, should parents (lovingly) shoo their kids out the door?
I suppose I should clarify where all this is coming from: the inspiration for this post came from an interesting survey I caught in the Financial Post Tuesday morning.
According to a study quoted on the newspaper’s website, only 51 per cent of parents with kids over 18 at home say they plan to encourage them to leave the nest within five years.
There were further results of the Canadian survey – 39 per cent of parents plan to downsize to a smaller home or condo within five years, 80 per cent plan to get rid of junk and make better use of their existing living space within five years, 30 per cent plan to “repurpose” their grown child’s bedroom into an office or storage space within five years – but the number that keeps popping up to me is this 51 per cent figure.
Certainly, times are tough. And for parents with kids who’ve completed university or college, there’s no guarantee those children have employment or, perhaps more accurately, the level of employment needed to support themselves.
But all that considered, does it strike anyone as odd that only half of parents plan to see their children out of the house within five years of turning 18?
Has the battered economy lowered our expectations of what children can accomplish by the age of 23, or is this simply a shift in the cultural norm?
Readers: when do you think, as a general guideline, it’s reasonable for parents to expect their kids to leave the nest and make it out on their own?
By Jason Buckland, MSN Money
Posted by: young mom | Aug 18, 2021 5:55:01 PM
I do agree with san....I think that children could stay with parents untill they find the partner and want to move on with the spouse. but again it depends on the culture you came from and situation, conditions of relationship you have with your children. My family lives all together , close each other and we do help each other, we spend some time together, go for the holidays sometimes together and it is always a lot of fun. Little kids enjoy grandparents ...etc......I think 18 years old kids need parents more then ever, to help to find their direction, save money to buy a car and later maybe condo......... family is a strong base to help , to lauph, to be there if you sad and down......., well, this is what I think
Posted by: Les | Aug 18, 2021 6:00:13 PM
I left home and started college when I was 18. This should be when people make some life choices and realize that living with your parents shelters you greatly from life experiences. I am 31 now and I have a hard time relating to people that are still living at home that are my age. I am glad my parents helped me make the move out and I owe them a lot. My wife and I help my parents out financially whenever we can.
Posted by: ANONOMOUS | Aug 18, 2021 6:05:51 PM
Can't wait for my step kids to leave. The way I see it once they turn 18 they can live on thier own. I supported myself through university so they should be able to do the same. I just hope they get a good job so they won't come back LOL.
Posted by: Darlin | Aug 18, 2021 6:54:35 PM
The good paying jobs that we have had are scarce now. How do these young adults go out and make enough money to support themselves, not to mention; a family
We want them to be self sufficient although we are not rushing them out of the house because our lives will change for ever and we will never get this time back. There will be alot of time to live seperately.
Posted by: Tax Guy | Aug 18, 2021 7:10:26 PM
Ok, I also moved out of home at 18 and am now 29. For me I find that people get used to a lifestyle and it can be difficult to break that pattern. A 20 something living at home has the issue that they have little inspiration to improve their position because they have few costs making even poor pay give them a fair bit of disposable income. They can get used to a relatively "good" lifestyle with lots of toys and expensive tastes.
Personally coming out of school after living on my own over that time taught me how to conserve my finances. Intially just after school my friends that still lived at home were a fair ways ahead of me financially however that soon shifted. The inexpensive lifestyle I learned to accept in school and the knowledge that I either earn good money or not have luxeries propelled me well past all of them quickly.
It is difficult to take a mid 20 something and ask them to move out because you will be wrecking their lifestyle. They will have become accustomed to low costs and the increase they will face on moving out will hurt (there are a couple of exceptions, but they are truly rare). At the same time you have stunted their learning of fiscal responsibility and held them back from really starting their life.
Worried moving out at 18 will hold you back financially? Like I said above I'm 29, have a new nice good sized house, a ski condo in the mountains, and a healthy RRSP account. I wouldn't have gotten near this far living at home. :)
Posted by: Stuart | Aug 18, 2021 8:32:23 PM
Dehan....Please don't tell Canadians they have no culture......
You are making assumptions on a couple of view points...
Shame on you!
Our children are our future...
Posted by: dsj | Aug 18, 2021 9:06:07 PM
It's Canadian pride you have or don't have, personally I think parents who let their kids live them till thirty should look into get there head check. Blah blah it tough times doesn't mean adult kids should couching it untill your 65 years old.
Posted by: Belle | Aug 18, 2021 9:06:14 PM
I've just read all the comments and it's very interesting to see that it's certainly a cultural thing when it comes to families staying together, for the most part at least. I was born here altho my husband immigrated but we feel the same. We have one son left at home, 2 moved out after university was done and they both got good jobs, one is married to a professional as well. Our youngest is 23, going to univ. and works part time, full time in summer, for his own spending money which also pays all his car expenses, clothes and social life. He pays no rent but if he stays home after he's done school and graduated, he may stay home but would have to contribute to our expenses, ie., food and a little extra. Then he could still save up for his own house/condo. And he'd have to help with chores wherever needed, yes even in the kitchen. We could never have asked any of our kids to leave while going to school, it's hard enough studying to get good grades and working part time than if they'd also had a place to pay for, cook, clean etc. That's our gift to them for the 4 and 6 years it took for them to get the means to support themselves in the long term. We found that the better the grades the easier they were hired in their professional careers, they couldn't have done it if they'd had to work more to pay their living expenses.
Posted by: Fay | Aug 18, 2021 9:19:39 PM
When we were 20, twenty years ago, we were very anxious and happy to move out of our parents home and live on our own. We did not have much money nor did we have our high paying jobs then but enjoyed the freedom of beginning on our own, making our oun mistakes and our own decisions. We have done very well and are puzzled as to why this generation do not have the disire to be on their own.
Posted by: schmab | Aug 18, 2021 10:19:10 PM
They should move out whenever they damned well please or stay as long as they want. You brought them into this stinkin' world so stfu you miserable wretches.
Posted by: Fay | Aug 18, 2021 10:23:24 PM
Dear SChmad,
I guess your still living at home mooching.
Posted by: Biggie | Aug 19, 2021 12:05:00 AM
Fay, when you were 20, twenty years ago, you may not have had 'high paying jobs' nor 'much money', but by every conceivable economic measure, you were better off. And it is not because your generation was wholly more industrious.
I will agree that most of the children whom I've met of degree-holding parents are coddled and sorry little worry-worts who can barely be defined as "adult", however for those of us who find ourselves with little education or prospects for such, and on our own at an early age, it is preposterous to imply that we have ANYTHING even APPROACHING a minuscule percentage of the opportunity afforded to every single prior generation for over a century.
The late baby-boom and Zeppelin/Floyd generation have cast a shadow on Western life that will take generations to remediate. Our economy has been ravaged, and credit and property law so convoluted, to the point where those "mistakes" you allude to having made whilst young can lead one into DECADES of subservience until you have lost your adult youth and still find yourself in no position to get ahead.
This is the brave new world that is crawling out from the wanton destruction of environment, economy, culture, and character by the most self-serving and SELFISH generations this planet has ever seen. YOUR generation and the one immediately before it.
Whereas those past had opportunities to live in the moment, OURS has to be continuously forward-looking in order to even have a chance to get ahead.
Otherwise, why spend every waking hour of your short life beholden to banks, landlords, and the taxman, with only the slightest of protection from the justice system, and the poorest health care system we have had since WWII? Good job out there, living your dream. You screwed it for the rest of us.
Posted by: Dana | Aug 19, 2021 11:07:48 AM
So far everyone who has posted is a parent. I thought it may be interesting to have a young adult perspective. (I am 21)
We live in a society that has such a high standard of living. Many people of today think that a life without having whatever you want and doing whatever you want isn't a life worth living. Well a) that's not true, and b) You can get quite a bit with not very much.
I go to school full time, and work two different part-time jobs. I live with roommates, bought a used vehicle, and pay all other bills on my own. I have since I was 17. I was lucky enough to receive an inheritance when I was 19 which has allowed me to do two years of schooling debt free. I earn about $25,000/year. That probably seems impossible at first glance but I have good credit standing and pay all my bills on time. (With a bit of practice, I'm much better at it now than before) I am able to go on one or two vacations every year, I go to movies and concerts and I eat out. I have everything I need and more. I recieve zero financial support from my mother. She is paying off debts of raising 3 kids with no father as he passed when I was quite young.
Most of my friends still live at home and don't pay a dime for anything. That's not teaching anything about money management. You learn what you can afford and what you can't when you're paying with your own wallet. You also learn what things you really need - or - how much harder you must work to get what you do want.
All in all, I think my point is that parents these days try to protect their kids from ever getting hurt or into trouble. They try to save the situation before it even gets bad. People need to touch the boiling water to know how hot it is. It's about learning and growing. Life isn't easy. But each person has to learn on their own how to go through it. My parents generation should not be putting in all the extra hard work so their kids can have a carefree life. My generation should be putting in the hard work for our own lives so that we can value the rewards we will receive later.
I am nervous for the coming years in our society because it will be filled with spoiled people who have almost zero work ethic.
Posted by: another declining senior | Aug 19, 2021 11:11:37 AM
I take offence with the comments made by daehan about Canada putting their children out on the street. Children are only children until they reach the age of maturity ( 18-21 yrs of age). After that point they are called adults. Alot of parents do not want to acknowledge this for many reasons. One I can think of immediately is that if they acknowledge their children are now adults that also tells them they are getting old. Another is fear once they are older of what will happen to us, who will look after us. Parents lose their identities after being parents for 20+ years and some can't remember what it was like before the children came along. What a shame. Imagine the independence you have at this point in your lives. You should try it, you might just like it. On the other hand a child who knows the parents are right there to catch them when they stumble do not grow up to become adults with a purpose or ambition in our society. I feel that is one of our major problems in this country -we don't have enough young people to fill our shoes, who show the traits of leadership, drive, ambition and independence. The one thing that galls me as much if not more are the children (as these parents like to call their adult off spring) is the fact that they are having children of their own when they can't afford to live on their own, thus giving Mom and Pop another drain on their limited funds. It is not the fault of these off spring, the fault lies entirely with the parents. I feel that the parents should GROW Up and smell the coffee. You have fallen down on the job of rearing independent worthwhile contributors to our society-SHAME ON YOU. As a footnote I am a mother of two wonderful independent young women who are not a burden to us in our retirement or a burden on society.
Posted by: Lisa | Aug 19, 2021 12:27:41 PM
Thank you so much Dana for your post. Even though my kids are free to live at home as long as they want, it will be with "conditions" once they have graduated. I DO think there is a fine line between independence (for those coming of age) and having the whole extended family living at home. I believe, if parents are real parents, you can create kids with both independence while living in an environment with you, generation after generation. However, this is a very fine line to walk, and most parents today can't seem to walk it well. I wish you well Dana. I'd be proud to call you my child.
Posted by: Lynda | Aug 19, 2021 2:45:18 PM
Children at this age are not children anymore and like anybody at any age when your back is against the wall and you do not have a choice you will succeed providing you have the will to but if someone is paying the bills why should they put in the effort to support themselves they have mommy and daddy to do this for them. They can focus their time on hanging out and doing as little as possible.
Posted by: Notah Begay III | Aug 19, 2021 6:18:46 PM
I am 28 and live at home with my parents. I will be moving out soon, when I decide toand have received nothing but unconditional love and support from my parents to stay at hme as long as I like. If it were up to them, I'd live at home forever. That's how it ought to be.
Posted by: Stephen | Aug 19, 2021 8:23:00 PM
22 years ago I moved out of my parents house at 18 years of age (Yeah ME!). I had a full time unskilled job paying $10/hr for 40 hours a week AND a $8.40/hr job for 16 hours a week that adapted to my schedule. Rent for our two bedroom apartment was $400 H&H inclusive, phone line was $5/month and gasoline was just over $0.35/Litre. My fiance made only $5.60/hr x40 hr week for her unskilled full time job. Talking to younger people nowadays I don't think that my children could repeat my routine if they turned 18 tomorrow. People don't change quickly & I couldn't wait to only see my parents on holidays, I somewhat doubt that young people nowadays are delighted at the prospect of having their parents critique and review every aspect of their life. But, perhaps young kids are just lazy nowadays.
Posted by: sharon | Aug 20, 2021 2:17:44 PM
wow the forty two year old should be ashamed of herself using her aging parents like that grow up already
Posted by: Lucky Guy | Aug 21, 2021 3:02:35 AM
I was fortunate that my parents let me live in their house until I was 26. I completed 2 degrees by the time I was 22, and there was no way I could have done that if I had to work and pay rent while going to school. My parents saved enough for half my tuition, and I paid for the rest through money I earned during the summer months. I was very fortunate not to have to rely on student loans.
In the 4 years after I graduated, I saved enough so I could pay cash for a new car, and had $50,000 for a downpayment on a condo in Vancouver. I really didn't want to throw my money away by renting, and Vancouver real estate is just ridiculous. Again, there's no way I could have done this had it not been for my parents. Saving up for so long enabled me to buy a place that was a good size and only 5 years old. I've since 'upsized' once, and am planning to do it again soon.
If it hadn't been for the generosity of my parents, I'd probably have to live out in Surrey or in Maple Ridge. I'd be laden with student loans and an enormous mortgage. I wouldn't have nearly as much disposable income with which to enjoy life.
My parents don't need any financial help in their retirement. Because of their help, my living expenses are low (i.e. my mortgage isn't big), so I now enjoy buying things for my parents that they enjoy, but might see as unnecessary.