The ongoing search for deadbeat parents

For sure dads have a responsibility to take care of their kids if the marriage doesn't work out. And I totally believe in sharing financially with a woman you are with...but if the relationship ends...the woman needs to take care of herself.

In my younger years I saw waay too many guys get taken to the cleaners financially while their exes stayed unemployed, prevented the kids from seeing their dad and lived off their child and spousal support. That's why I don't ever want to marry. I love dating and being in a relationship with a woman. And a large part of me has always wanted a wife and kids but it just makes a lot more sense legally to not get too attached (ie married). The only exception might be a woman who makes more money than I do.

The welfare of the children should always come first which is why it is nice to read that the issues of illegitimacy and access have been solved. They have been solved right? Failure to address the lack of equity in relationship breakdown is what is at the source of this problem in the first place. Talk to young men today and they mention how access isn't addressed, how relationships with their children become poisoned by the custodial parent, how only the man who was foolish enough to get married tends to get stuck with any support payment bill, how men lose the vast bulk of the assets that they paid for and, and, and... I worry that my daughters will never find a guy who would get married under modern conditions.

There is no question that child support payments must be made. My one concern is that these payments are made directly to the custodial parent, with no assurance this money will go for the children's benefit. The level of child support often seems large due to the "life-style" provisions for the custodial parent, again, with no assurance the children will benefit.
Spousal support payments can go on forever, increase annually due to COLA clauses, and compound. There does not seem to be any responsibility placed on the receiving spouse to become independent.In my opinion, spousal support payments should automatically cease after ten years, unless there are very extenuating circumstances. Many self employed professionals have ended up in bankruptcy because of these lifetime requirements, even though their children have bee supported, educated and are now independent themselves. Lifetime spousal support payments are just a way for the government to keep indigent and lazy people off the welfare rolls.

2wise 2leap makes very good points in his post. While marriage may look like the thing of all things in the beginning, the welfare of the children should be the responsiblity of both partners with reasonable financial responsiblity for both. While either party may not be able from time to time be in a capable position to do so, demonstrated openess, fairness to commitment can go along ways to solutions. Every break up does not have to be a bad situation, stiring the pot is the big problem maker. I think family, relatives, and friends can be the big help they would like to be, if both sides put out all the efforts.

If these DEADBEATS would realize that they are the parent and it IS their child, would you not want what's best for that child? Ok you hate her but the child should be your focus, not her! I would like to point out that paying support and visitation are two completely seperate court battles(speaking from experience). I recieved nothing from the bum, not one thin dime, and my child has no desire to ever see the bum! If ssyou ask me they really don't go far enough to catch these guys. Working for cash, or refusing to work is not the same as unemployed...it's just lazy and a burden on all the honest hard working tax payers. He has been able to go free, for all these years (22)
My child is now in college and doing very well, no thanks that bum!

the system is lop-sided. there are a lot of parents out there who are struggling on their own to get by, while their ex does nothing. the gov't has proven inept at dealing with this. if you want to ignore the system, quite simply you can.
if you choose to follow the rules, do whatever you can for your kids...you quickly find out that males have no rights, while the woman's behaviour has to be certifiably maniacal in order to be remotely addressed.
meanwhile, the children watch as mom manipulates dad, and dad succumbs simply to keep the peace. great role models this situation perpetuates!!
i understand this system was set up because of inequalities in the past. fine. but this is not the same world, men and women work now. both genders are responsible for the dissolution of the traditional family. men should not have to be further persecuted for the sins of the idiots in the past.
this system needs an overhaul. deadbeats need to be dealt with. and the public's perception of deadbeats needs to be gender-equal.

What irritates me is the handling of the ME program. They need to make it federal not provincial. Do they honestly think deadbeat dads or for that matter deadbeat moms will register if they move out of province from where the child/children lives? I raised my son with very very little support the early years(perhaps 5 years if that, and it fluctuated from 5.00 - 250 every other month or so, then nothing at all for support from his illustrious dead beat father. I spoke no ill words of his father and my son had established contact and made his own decision and that was at the age of 19. I am proud of my son.
. I got calls from ME to say they had information on the whereabouts of my son's father good grief. I gave them the information. Makes me wonder when ME will hold themselves accountable!!!
its not just the deadbeat fathers/deadbeat mothers, it is also the deadbeat government officials Just had to be said.

Be reasonable with support demands and most of the problems would go away. Childern should not be a mechanism, for demanding more and more money. It does not take a thousand a month to raise a child or mine would have never survived. A set payment would mean everyone knows what they are getting into before having a child or leaving a relationship....no fights. If all parties are fair and civil them I think most non-custodial parents would do more than the the minimum if they can afford to. Now power is lopsided in these relationships where are much can be gained by threats and wasting the courts time. This would make sure childern have thier basic needs met and childern could not ne used as pawns for fianacial gain. For the wealthy these could be worked out in advance much like a pre-nupula agreement. There are always some who wont pay support, just like some who wont pay their rent or credit card bills. We need to start to wite law for the majority....not the special cases. The court system, as far a setting payments, has lost touch with the reality of the everyday person.

Both parents have a financial responsibility to the children, there is however MAJOR cases where the court system is out of control. I believe where you live plays a roll, all the lawyers and judges in the country can tell us that there is no bias however i beg to differ. If your from a small town or smaller city the layers on both side may be friends and friends with the judges so do i think there is opportunity for biased decisions etc...you bet. The playing field is not equal and either are the laws. If one was to review the various case laws surrounding the support issues they would find out how much results can differ on more or less same information.I believe also that there are several fathers out there purposely avoiding there obligation but the system has to change for the good of the children. I personally has a bad experience with the entire system and had to go before the Ontario Court of appeals where the 3 panel judge tore apart 2 lower court decisions, but this was not after spending far to much on an incompetent lawyer and incompetent judges. The only reason i went through the appeal process is that i did my own research into case laws etc. to find out just how wrong the lower court decision was.......I could write a book..

All I can say is to the women complaining about the "dead beat" dads, who f**cked the guy in the first place?? Are some women that stupid? Too many drinks?? What were you thinking when you married him or moved in with him or got pregnant by him? Does anyone think ahead at all anymore? I'm for most guys on this one. SHE gets to keep the kids most of the time, while he is supposed to just be the money horse. That is definitely not fair.

my son has 2 kids. pays out his ass. no excess. because she used him to get the kids. she had one kicked him out . 8 months latter called him up whats to start over and be a family he moves back in she is prego again within a month. kicks him out makes up a bunch of lies. and is still at it today never seen the second child and he pays out his ass and has nothing left out of his money lives in poverty while she live on welfare with her parents who are on disability. and do nothing all day but lie about people and situation about others making hell for them and he is not the only one out there that this happens to. he is still fighting for access to this day. cost a lot of money when you have to fight liers . like taking him to court for back support for the first child for the months they lived together. she said she screw him and she does. women who use children for a living and a weapon should't be raising kids in my opinion. what a mess out there.

Wow, it's really funny how people want to make this about sexual orientation. Male nor female, a deadbeat parent, is a deabeat parent, regardless of the sexual orientation. I have raised my son from nothing. Without a dime from the other parent. I will say this, if it wasn't for the love and emotional support from my own parents I don't think I could have gotten this far. It takes a village to raise a child. Children are like sponges and they love unconditionally. This is the most important lesson my son taught me. Children are the most amazing teachers. All you bitter people out there need to take some time and actually listen to your children rather than waste energy putting the other parent down. I will agree on one thing though... MEP is absolute garbage. What a waste of taxpayers money. They definitely should not be based in Edmonton of all places. For christ sakes they can barely finance their own hockey team!!!

What if the father never wanted the child in the first place. During an accidental pregnancy, adoption and abortion were brought up as options but the mother claims that she is not willing to do either but the father was. He has no say in the matter because it is HER decision. How is this fair? Why is HE forced to make support payments for a child that he never wanted just because SHE wanted to have the child. Why can he not give up any of his rights to the child and step away? This is completely unfair. Again the man gets screwed. The system needs to be changed. Meanwhile mom sits on welfare and child support because she's lazy and made poor choices in her, life like the choice to keep / have the child in the first place. So after 16 years of payments and not seeing my child I think it's my right to walk away from the last few years of payments. Not that I am going to do this but I think that I should be given this right. In a lot of ways this country's laws are worse than a third world country!

It feels amazing to read some of these comments. It makes me so angry to know the stigma surrounding maintenance enforcement, and knowing there are others out there who are just as disallusioned with the entire system feels good.
I have no kids; however, I'm in a relationship with an amazing man who can't get ahead in his own life. He makes his payments on time every month, AND pays extra each month beyond the guidelines (court ordered because....?) since his ex is unable to keep steady employment - FPEM got involved when the ex tried to scam welfare. He now supports a child, his ex and her boyfriend. I told ya hes a nice guy!
But FMEP still messes with every aspect of his life. There is no accountability in the system. An "administrative error" froze bank accounts and sent out letters to ICBC last year - all to parents who had no arrears or balances owing. He didn't get so much as an appology and he had to fight to have his bank accounts unfrozen - which took several weeks.
What happens if an error posts photos and information about someone who has done nothing wrong?
The system is the problem. Its too hard/expensive to go after the actual dead-beats, so why not kick the good guys around a bit? No one should be punished because the relationship didn't work out.

Again, it happens to the best of us. I am also on the shitty side of the fence. After 17 years of raising my son w/out a dime from the other parent i too suffered. You need to get a decent lawyer. A female lawyer at that. I know I said this has nothing to do with sexual orientation and it shouldn't when it comes to the parents. Most times male lawyers are all about the money. Female lawyers will understand the emotion of both parents and for the most part be completely unbiased. This has been my experience. i am not a lawyer nor do I want to grow up and be one. If you are having hardship speak to legal aid even. Sometimes great lawyers (who actually give a crap) will take the case on payments or pro bono. Male and female. You need to find someone who really cares about your situation and who you feel comfortable telling ,"the truth and nothing but the truth to." Like i said, I don't believe in the whole MEP process, from my experience it just doesn't work. I was told once by them, I will be able to collect CPP payments when that person turns 60. Now do I really want to do that to someone who barely has a pot to piss in to begin with. I don't think so. Good ol' MEP kick em when their down?

Don has hit the nail on the head. I think it is a major problem (and a very biased one) that support payments are based on income (and income only from the support payor). How do they figure that a child's cost to raise is dependant on the payor's income???yet the government itself has a set amount when it comes to paying social assistance to individuals or families with one child, or 2children etc etc. This in itself makes one wonder if alimony to the ex( in most cases females) is built in. I think a major part of the problem of paying support would be solved if payments were fixed based on a child's/childrens age/s at various stages. I am sure that if this was the case and knowing that the amount set is realistic and fair, not only would the problem of collecting support be resolved, but that the children would benefit in the long term as I am sure fathers(the majority of support payors) would contribute more by buying extras for the children on their own free will as the doubt as to where the extra money FORCED BY THE SYSTEM UPON FATHERS, is spent directly on the child/ren
The other major problem is that there is too much onus on the fathers when it comes to adjusting payments. For example, when a child moves out of the custodial parents home (majority of times the mother's home) the responsibility is on the father to PROVE this. When the children become of age and no longer fall under the support guidelines, the responsibility is on the father to PROVE this again. This means, it costs the father lost time, lost income and in many cases the cost of a lawyer. In many cases the mothers don't report these changes as they receive ongoing payments until these situations are resolved. There is NO consequence to the mothers for doing this and so they take advantage of the system. Good luck trying to recoup the undue money fathers have paid in the meantime, and if they do it will probably be in monthly installment of $5.00 THAT IS FIVE DOLLARS!!!!
The system is so openly biased it is a sham!!!!
Is it a wonder that there is $2.7 BILLION!!!!!(as per the system's calculations) outstanding.
I am willing to bet my life on it that the majority of fathers want to contribute to their child's/ren's upbringing financially, BUT NOT, in this UNFAIR AND BIASED WAY.
How do they figure that a father who only gets to see their child/ren ONE WEEKEND EVERY OTHER WEEK is SOLELY FINANCIALLY responsible for their child/ren and on a scale that is dependant on their income!!!!! Enough is enough Mr. Government. Get it right and I am sure there will not be $2.7BILLION IN UNPAID SUPPORT PAYMENTS. Stop your BIASED NONSENSE and that goes for the woman activist groups. YOU ARE HURTING OUR CHILD/REN!!! NOT FATHERS!!! ACT in the best interest of the CHILD/REN by bringing in FAIR AND UNBIASED LEGISLATION. WE ARE NOT WALLETS FOR OUR EX'S. They too should have a financial obligation towards the child/ren and Fathers should be given more rights and ACCESS to their child/ren. WAKE UP!!!!!!

I noticed F.R.O.'s site and caption "GOOD PARENTS PAY"..... My answer to you F.R.O is this......"IT TAKES A GOOD AND FAIR AND UNBIASED GOVERNMENT TO MAKE A GOOD PARENT!!!!!Then, I am sure, they won't have a problem paying.

You want to see how unfair and biased the system is. Read this, my own experience with the system.
In 2005, I brought a motion to the court to change support payments and rescind arrears due to my son moving out of his mother's home and into mine. My ex did not advise the courts or F.R.O. of this and so according to the LAW I was to pay ongoing support payments. I had to bring a motion to change and rescind at my expense. This was in mid 2005. By the time the courts adjourned each hearing and because my ex did not show up on two occassions, the hearing date was set for March 2006. A week before the court date, I received an urgent phone call from my sister OVERSEAS, that my mother (whom I had not seen for 6 years and only seen 4 times in 24 years as she lived overseas) was seriously ill in hospital. Being from a close knit family, it was only reasonable and expected of one to go and see their mother for possibly the last time in this life. I left with just enough money to buy a one way ticket. In my rush I forgot my lawyer's card and phone number so that I could contact him to inform him of my situation. I did get in touch with the Canadian Consulate overseas, but as expected they did not help. To cut a long story short when I finally returned after 3 months, I found out that the court had penalized me with $6400.00 in court costs and my motion to change was denied. I also could not bring another motion until this $6400.00 was paid in full. My court was in Toronto. Upon my return I found work in Hamilton and moved there. I was unable to work as my driver's licence was suspended now due to arrears. My job is a professional driver. I could not work. I reasoned with F.R.O. that the only way I could start paying my arrears is if I worked!!!!Logical or not!!!Luckily enough I spoke to a senior in F.R.O. who did have some sense and logic. My driver's licence was re-instated. Now I had to work on doing what I was doing before I left to go and see my mother....to bring a motion to the court. I was told by F.R.O that I could do this in the court in Hamilton. So I brought a motion to change in the court in Hamilton. Problem....My ex had received money from social services and assigned her support payment to them...Social services comes to court in Hamilton and asks the judge to move the file to the courts in Toronto. The judge orders the case back to Toronto.
I luckily get an order from a sensible Judge in Hamilton ordering that the Order stating that I could not bring a motion until the $6400.00 is paid, be set aside. Icould now go ahead and bring a motion to change in the court in Toronto. There are 3 D.R.O (dispute resoultion) meetings at which I came to an agreement with Social Services for their part of the payments. My ex did not even attend. No consequences to her. My lawyer goes ahead to note my ex in default and to ask the Judge to grant me my motion. That day (Dec 24th 2009) guess what.... my ex appears in court and asks the judge for an extention. The Judge grants it to her and gives her till February 15th to file responding materials. Guess what.......she doesn't. Now she is in default for sure. Ya think???? NOOOOO...
When my lawyer goes before a judge again to note her in default again and to ask the Judge (A FEMALE) for my motion to be granted, the Judge refuses and wnats more information!!!!!!????
My ex is not even responding....She's in DEFAULT!!!!. END OF STORY END OF CASE!!!! Who the hell gave this Judge the right to ACT ON BEHALF OF MY EX who does not even have the courtesy to appear in court. I thought Judges were supposed to be impartial and give fair Judgements, not ACT ON BEHALF OF ANYONE!!!!!!. Well let's see what will happen at the set court hearing. I just can't wait!!!! This JUDGE IS OPENLY BIASED AND UNFAIR. ONLY IN CANADA. OH CANADA, OH CANADA. And then they wonder why they have $2.7 BILLION DOLLARS outstanding and FATHERS LEAVING THIS COUNTRY!!!! Who are they hurting in the long run.......THE CHILDREN.
The very people who say they ACT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN....THE COURTS AND THE SYSTEM are the ONES HURTING OUR CHILDREN........NOT FATHERS!!!!!

The heading to this article, which reads "The Ongoing Search for Deadbeat Dads" should read "THE ONGOING RESULTS OF A BIASED AND UNFAIR DEADBEAT SYSTEM"

I have a sister with 3 kids twins 10 and a 13 year old. She does not get a cent of child support because he just does not pay. He however left, had another child with someone else....that didnt work and guess what he doesnt pay child support there either. Now he is living with a woman with 3 kids (hopefully she is fixed) that he met on the internet. He is a typical deadbeat dad who has money for smokes and beer but nothing for his kids. He was working as a truck driver when he lived with my sister and when they split up he was ordered to pay $1,900 a month - he never showed up in court so my sister got full custody. He paid for a couple of months then quit his job and tried to work under the table and eventually he ended up collecting unemployment which the family responsibility ceased. Now that is over and again she is back to zero. He feels it is her family who should help her take care of his kids - he doesnt send gifts at christmas or birthdatys. His 13 year old is having problems in school - his twins want nothing to do with him and my sister finally left Ontario moved closer to her family in Montreal and is trying to restart her life and struggles to just put food on the table. She went from a stay at home mom to working on the floor of a meat packing company in Ontario. Now that she is back in Quebec she is going to school to learn french so that she can find a job.

Now getting back to if they should post pics of the deadbeat dads - I say YES - put them on milk cartons - posters at the grocery stores - phar;macies etc. This might make it easier for the mom that has to tell her kid no you can't do this or have this because I don't have any money for extras.
Her oldest turned 13 years old in July and all he wanted was to see his dad for his birthday. He emailed him and dad came and got him for 2 days and he has not heard from him since then. Dad did brag to him however that he was doing a whole house of drywall and would make 14K but for him not to tell mommy because she would take his money.

YES PLASTER THOSE PICS OF THE DEADBEAT DADS - I AGREE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>