Financial mistakes we make when blinded by love
When you’re in your twenties or thirties and measuring the seriousness of other couples, there are generally four key milestones they hit.
Maybe they move in together: pretty significant. Maybe they get engaged: important stuff, no doubt. Maybe they even decide to have a kid: hey, now we’re getting somewhere.
The fourth step, though, depending where you stand, might be the diciest: they join up on a bank account. Uh-oh. It might be fine for you and your significant other, but there’s no denying that intertwined finances can be catastrophic if your relationship ever goes the way of Ronnie/Sammi “Sweetheart.” And perhaps it’s just one of many financial miscues we make in the name of love.
Yes, as Valentine’s Day nears just in advance of tax refund season, it may be time to count down the money mistakes we make when blinded by love. It’s a feature TheStreet.com came up with, and it’s a great idea.
Their top five:
1) Co-signing a loan
2) Paying their bills
3) Dragging in family members (into going in on a loan)
4) Moving too fast (essentially, the bank account example mentioned above)
5) Not having an exit strategy (cough, prenup)
Certainly, we may not need to look any further than some of the most expensive celebrity divorces to realize the financial consequences of love-gone-wrong. But there are plenty of mistakes – again, depending where you stand – regular Canadian couples make with their cash, such as joining up on a credit card, which many money managers advise against.
What financial miscues do you see people making with their hearts, maybe not their heads?
By Jason Buckland, MSN Money
Posted by: spmsmith | Feb 10, 2022 10:16:57 AM
Just a note: There are reasons other than divorce why separate bank accounts are a good idea. In this age of identity theft, it makes good sense to divide your savings into two separate bank accounts under two separate names... that way, if someone steals your identity and clears out one account, they still won't get their hands on the other one.
I am of the opinion that transparency is the key (as it is with financial relationships in organizations, businesses, etc). Both partners should realize it is to their advantage to insist on being on top of all money matters and to discuss or at least be made aware of all transactions. One may be better at it than the other, but even then the other should take the time to make sure they understand what is going on and to make sure what they are being told tallies with what they observe themselves in regards to credit card usage, bank transactions, etc. As long as everything is being shown and looked at by two parties, both can protect themselves somewhat from the other's machinations if it turns out they are not as honest or forthright as they had first appeared.
Posted by: Sandra | Feb 10, 2022 10:31:51 AM
Anyone that says people are stupid for signing a prenup are the exact low lifes that get married and then screw over their partners. it works both ways. If the person being aked to sign a prenup has such a positive outlook why WOULDN"T you sign it? The only way it affects you is if you get a divorce. Besides, you can have certain clauses in it that protect you from getting left with nothing if your partner cheats or something like that. Everything you earn together SHOULD be split...anythingyour partner has already earned or inherits or whatever is absolutely there's and no one should feel entitled to that automatically. People are nuts. You dont know what anyone is capable of until divorce rolls around and the "down to earth, simple" person you once married turns into a money hungry, greedy pig.
Posted by: Sarah | Feb 10, 2022 10:51:39 AM
I'm in a relationship, have been for a year, but I don't want to be married. I'd rather live common-law. No messy divorce if things go south... and most common-law couples I know are much happier than the married couples I know because they don't feel oblidged to be with their partner. They know that they're together because they want to be.
As for marriage being holy or whatever... pff. My grandmother married young, got stuck with a husband who decended into alcoholism and became extremely abusive. Somehow he managed to keep his job, and she had 8 kids to support, so she couldn't leave. The abusive situation didn't end until he died. On the other side, similar story, except they were both addicts. Marriage wasn't holier or better then, it was just much harder to get out of because the law was much unfriendlier and the social stigma was too great, even if you managed to find a sympathetic judge.
Regarding the gender-bashing, lay off. There are very nasty women out there, but there are also very nasty men. I bet for every anecdote about a woman who walked out and left the man in a bad situation, I can find a very similar one with the genders reversed. Just accept that there are nasty people in the world, and keep in mind that if your partner is a jerk to people they don't care about very much, they'll probably be a jerk to you if/when he/she decides they don't care about you anymore.
Posted by: Ms. B | Feb 10, 2022 10:52:56 AM
Firstly, the concept of "love" marriage is actually only about 100 years old. Previous to that, it was normal for people to marry into a family of similar wealth and social standing. So, quite honestly, marrying for money is far more "traditional."
Secondly, if you are Canadian, there are thing called marital law that trumps pre-nuptial agreements. when setting up your pre-nup, your lawyer should be able to explain marital law and how that works with splitting up money. More or less, you can protect money and assets that you had pre-marriage, but assets gained during the marriage have to get split using marital law. Marital law in Canada does effect people living common-law as well. So, people who think that because they haven't gotten married and are just living together so they are protected can be subject to having to split their assets as well.
No one has the right to empty a joint account and not owe some of it back. A decent divorce lawyer should be able to help you regain some of that money by looking at your bank statements. That said, couples should figure out a way to maintain their own credit and assets in the event of a divorce. There is no reason why both people shouldn't have their own credit card, TFSA and RRSP.
Not trusting your partner is as dangerous as trusting them completely. Debts, bills and assets should be split in a way that no one person would get screwed over. If you care about someone enough to spend your life with them, then you care about them enough to be fair - even post-divorce. I believe that far more people need to remember that they are grown human adults and not feral dogs fighting over a bone.
Posted by: Dana Fraser | Feb 10, 2022 2:06:00 PM
The laws of nature created us male and female human beings.There's no more to it than that.Neither gender deals better than the other with the seven deadly sins.Pride,greed,lust,wrath,gluttony,envy and sloth
Posted by: Debbie - Calgary | Feb 10, 2022 3:34:48 PM
I am actually disturbed by this article. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, have 2 very young kids together, and ALL our finances are joint. When we met, we both were very old fashioned. I am a stay-at-home mom now. We didn't get married for the wrong reasons, we got married for the right ones.
If your gut is telling you that joint finances are a danger, you are thinking about marrying the wrong person, simple as that.
Posted by: bryan | Feb 10, 2022 5:22:20 PM
i am a young man who is still not near the time of marriage with someone he cares for, i have been reading everyones beef and some slandering, some insightful comments. i wont claim that im an expert on these things and i wont claim that anyone has to listen to me but here is what i have to say. the world of marriage has changed considerably in the past many many MANY years, going from a political agenda (fathers marrying kids off to gain more land) to trophies or home slavery and even just becaues they love each other. there is no one reason that marriage is good or bad it is a lifestyle choice that you all may choose to make or not to make, i realize many of you got burned because of things that happened in life but i need to remind everyone that first off this has become a woman dominant world now, so women youve endured constant hatred before because you tried to speak out and i commend you for keeping up and making the best of it HOWEVER it is in my experience that i have found its about a 60-40 woman favoring for the troubles caused in marriage lately, my take on this? have you SEEN the reality shows we have and television broadcasting? how many celebraties keep to their vows? why would people CARE about the sanctity of marriage now? our culture has completely obliterated the view of the common marriage and shattered that dream for the young couples of tommorow, now i agree that you should trust your partner and that marriage is about communication i WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree HOWEVER, please do not say that signing prenuptials or having back up plans are bad, people change over the years events and things happen you dont ever WANT it to happen but it does sometimes. having a plan doesnt mean you are any less faithful to the person, for instance if i were to marry my current gf i plan on having my own finances and having agreements that what is mine stays mine etc whatever i need to sign and whatever is hers stays hers we SHARE but we do not OWN each others products items or privacy. i am sorry for those who have been burned man and woman alike and my heart goes out to you and i understand your frustration over something that shouldnt have occured but i think its time people realized that things are not the way they were in the past and we cant keep acting like it. protect yourselves protect the ones you love and be smart, marriage is a 2 way street if they arent taking up the slack you arent obligated to do all the work and never ever think that its all up to you, its great if you love someone but dont be a kid about love know your limits know your weaknesses and make a plan.
thank you for listening to a young mans perspective
Posted by: Logan | Feb 10, 2022 7:46:21 PM
Well, this coming from a 17 year old. I read the majority of the comments, and surely I don't know a lot to say anything on what marriage and money is. But I can still agree with some of the people here. The gender equality is quite true, though personally it needs to be taken that there still are common differences between sexes. Also, it sounds pretty worrying to think about the way girls talk in groups and what they can convince each other of. (Kind of goes both ways) Yes anyone would hope marriage is about love, otherwise why would you want it in the first place? Maybe you shouldn't call it a 'business transaction' , but you can't say there is no point to this article. Marry for love, not necessarily for happiness, you should be able to find that yourself, but don't be stupid! Sure society runs on money but do not make the mistake of believing you NEED it. Money is no requirement, it is a tool. A system we use to ensure things. It is not your life, because life was not made from money. Unless you make your life out of money. The materials of money are all concept and system that can screw you over. Much like using any other tool, you have to know how to use it. Otherwise, you might loose a limb. Now if you want to use a tool with Another person? Well sure if you can, but maybe understand you need to trust them? Then understand you still need to take precautions? It should be so simple as understanding. Sure there is emotion, there is pressure, there is a lot. But unless you are taking the steps to avoid problem, And the steps to be sure you're managing your relationships the right way. Maybe you should think again just how much there is going on in your head? Still, I am happy to see the sensible people there are around this article. Oh and lastly, if you find yourself blaming the other sex, you either lack self esteem, make yourself blind and ignorant to the exact same things you blame them of to avoid seeing them in yourself, or you've had some experience where you've lost too much trust in another, or many smaller ones. Understand there are bad people, and if you had to deal with them closely, don't let it taint the good people you meet. Sorry for the long comment. Just stating some opinion for you to consider. Also, Bryan had some good points
Posted by: Steve | Feb 10, 2022 8:02:39 PM
Marriage is and always has been a contract (this is why there is age limitations on marriage) one must also accept the present state of marriage in the western world. If you are a man at the present moment it is wisest to not personally accumulate ANY assets (non-discretionary trusts are good here) and if you are a woman having children with only your husband and having him involved in the upbringing of your children is also a good idea.
In a non-marriage relationship being honest about how you live is a good idea, going out for Wendy's and renting DVD's scares away gold diggers faster than weekends at the Ritz and trips to Hawaii. When people realize that they can have your love but not your cash life gets a lot easier. But, to each their own.
Posted by: Random | Feb 10, 2022 8:26:49 PM
Prenups are more than just a contract if you get divorced. I signed a prenup but my husband and I have risky jobs where we have to sign objects under certain names since we both can be sued. A prenup just says you get 50% of everything, split down the centre is thats the case since a house is signed under 1 name and the cars under another so that if one of us gets sued in our professions we don't loose everything.
I rather protect my assets than loose them.
Posted by: The Reaper | Feb 10, 2022 10:29:00 PM
June R. Massoud in case you didn't notice it's not the 1950's or 60's its 2011 times change and people need to change with them either you grow some common sense that now a days people are greedy and are willing to kill you for the shirt off your back. Is it nice, no of course not boo hoo go in a corner and cry about it. Evolve, adapt, or risk extinction.